EXCLUSIVE: BORIS JOHNSON ANNOUNCES PLANS TO DRAIN RIVER THAMES
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EXCLUSIVE: BORIS JOHNSON ANNOUNCES PLANS TO DRAIN RIVER THAMES

With the threat of flooding in London looming ever larger, Mayor Boris Johnson has taken the unprecedented step of announcing plans to drain the River Thames completely dry.

Much of the surrounding areas of London have suffered from flooding this winter and it has been decided that removing as much of the water from the city as possible is the only solution.

Currently it is unknown whether Boris plans to undertake this huge task single-handedly or employ professionals. At a suitably wind-swept location on the river’s banks, he revealed:

“Water is now public enemy number 1 for London and our glorious city’s inhabitants. We’re not going to stand idly by as water moves in and takes over. Not on my watch. We’ll simply pump the water out of the Thames and straight over to climates around the world suffering from drought.”

Though the plans are still vague, critics have already questioned the feasibility of hose pipes thousands of miles long. Opponents to the plan have also argued that Mr. Johnson is simply over excited about the return of Game of Thrones.

Andy Burrows is Online Editor. Read more posts by him here or follow him on twitter @aburrows78

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